Thursday, 12 April 2012

A [Geek] by any other name

Evening all!

So it's been a short while since my last post, and I was hoping to try and avoid posting this because I believe it is, in it's truest form: Nerd Rage...

So last night I was watching AvP: Alien vs Predator on TV

As some of you know, I'm a major AvP nerd, and I mean to the nth degree!

I remember watching this film back when it was released, and it angered me then, there were so many things that I hated, but then I watched AvP:R or Aliens vs Predator: Requiem and my memories of AvP the movie suddenly didn't seem so bad.

Well, I'm sorry if this is going to have to bore you, but after rewatching AvP last night, I realise that I cant hold this in, I need to rage and share my disdain for these films.

Let's start with the first film, a film that thanks to a nonsense Mayan calendar a timeline is set, and you are shown face huggers lay eggs in hosts and roughly 10 minutes later these eggs hatch into chest bursters.

Compare this to Alien, where almost a whole day passed, maybe even longer before Kane was killed in the mess room.

Next up we have the Predators themselves (this is my main bugbear about the film):

Ignoring the crappy suits and obvious lack of Stan Winston involvement, the film shows all the Predators killing off humans right at the start, and then going onwards to hunt the aliens, they imply that the aliens are the real trophy and the humans are just piss poor, but it has been established on countless occasions within the lore that it is the other way around, an unblooded Predator can not kill a human until it has killed it's first Alien!

Then we have the stupid weapons, like the super long wrist blades and the throwing stars.

As with people, the more bad ass you are the less weapons you use. The best assassins for example not going near guns and choosing cheese wire and other up close and personal weapons of choice.

The same applies here, but instead the film's narrative shoves down your throat that these Preds ate the ultimate bass asses BECAUSE of their weapons!

Last up, the blooding.

So towards the mid point, all the blooded Predators are dead, leaving the 'hero' Predator as a lone survivor, this Pred then proceeds to take the remains of an Alien and blood himself (the process of blooding being scarring yourself with alien blood to denote your first kill).

The problem here is that it is against canonical lore again. If a Predator was to do this, they would be branded a 'bad blood' and be hunted across the galaxy by other Preds, but here we have one, who at the end of the film is treated like a hero by his own kind, instead of having his bad blood skull crushed underfoot.

To make it worse, he even went on to 'blood' the lead human. It was one thing when Yeyinde did that to Machiko in AvP:Prey, as he was a clan Elder, this dude is some wanna be Hunter, and yet when the other Preds turn up at the end they let this bitch live 'because' of her mark!

Paul Anderson claims on the DVD commentary to be a MASSIVE Aliens fan, this may be true, but his lack of understanding and respect for the Predator lore is astounding.


Now, you're probably wondering why I felt it necessary to bombard you all with this, and it's because I was reminded of a quote from Simon Pegg which semi recently was posted by George Takai on Facebook:

In the past I have admitted loud and proud my geek-ness, and so following the words of Simon Pegg I am proudly emoting on a somewhat childish level about how much I like something.

That my friends is the Nerd Rage, a non-sensical emote on a childish level about how much you like something (Aliens & Predator) and how you can't believe that someone somewhere (Paul 'Twatface' Anderson) would do something that you disagree with or dislike relating to said something.

- Your friendly neighbourhood Doctor Loxley

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